If you met him, you were impressed by his smile and his body and his presence. He was huge and handsome I’m not saying anything new. We met in passing on a set he’d just finished a scene, and I was about to start mine. I can’t claim any special knowledge about his death, I didn’t know him very well. It was drugs, it was studios not treating him well, it was the feeling of dehumanization, it was the vague but all encompassing “porn industry” that did it, it was the feeling of being hollow, it was it was his loss of validation after being a star for so long. As usual, many people felt sure they knew why he committed suicide, without much evidence. Arpad Miklos, who was as much as a porn “star” as anyone can be in a time when we are hyper-saturated with porn, killed himself on February 3rd, 2013, at the age of 45. Whenever a porn star – especially a gay porn star – commits suicide, theories show up, and people act very, very certain about them. You can find him on Twitter do porn actors kill themselves? Who is responsible? The following essay originally appeared on his blog. ![]() Guest columnist Conner Habib is an adult performer, writer and also hosts the popular video advice series, “ Ask the Sexpert“. We welcome your submissions and strive to publish a variety of viewpoints. TheBacklot’s Diverse Voices feature is a venue for thoughtful opinion pieces from guest writers.
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